Writing | Nox Noir

The Bad Fatty Club

Manifesto · Satire

I want to talk to you about a club that I'm a part of. One that you might be a part of and don't even know. It's a club so insidious there is almost no way to escape. The people who are most ardent members will also do everything in their power to not let you escape. They are your gods.

The Bad Fatty Club

Every member in society is represented within their vortex of hate. Doctors and Lawyers all the way down the money spectrum into McDonald's workers. Every nation and color of human is represented in their club. And this club has rules. Rules that have rules about never leaving or getting out. Here are just a few:

1. BMI is GOD

2. Calories in calories out. CICO is the ONLY way. It's all about the mighty calorie.

3. Our Mantra is "Yeah But" or "Don't you believe." Remember we must remind them that THEY are wrong at all costs.

4. Conflation is encouraged, and Correlation DOES equal causation. "But thin people get diabetes" they yell, always to be followed with rule 3: "yeah but."

5. All fatties are bad fatties.

6. Fatties are rotten to the core of their selves. There is no redemption.

7. Former fatties are just moments away from slipping.

8. One cannot be good until their BMI is in the "healthy" range.

9. Your BMI is not good enough unless it's in the middle. If you just get into the healthy category, you aren't good enough yet because you are so close to failing.

10. The definition of skinny/healthy/good/righteous/thin is someone who is in the Bottom-Middle of the "Healthy/Normal" BMI chart.

11. ALL HEALTH PROBLEMS ARE SOLVED MIRACULOUSLY BY BEING SKINNY TOMORROW.

12. You are not allowed healthcare until you are within normal range. You could have permanent damage or cancer, but unless you are normal range, you will not be tested or treated for it. Because remember Rule 11: just be skinny.

13. It does not matter if you get skinny because of cancer. You have no worth as a human until you do. Because remember, even if you have cancer and you are thin, that means you're healthy!

14. "Unexplained weight loss" in a fatty is not to be investigated by a doctor. They're finally doing something right.

15. "Unexplained weight gain" does not exist. It's always a cheeseburger.

16. Being thin is only gained via punishment for their complete and utter failing. If a fatty becomes scale-provably thin but did not get there via pain and punishment, they did not EARN it.

17. The only way to get a fatty healthy is via calorie restriction and "Good" foods and they must maintain this for life.

18. There are "Good" foods and "Bad" foods. Do NOT maintain a list. Lists will be used by fatties to find a way to make "good" foods taste good. The goal is rule 16. Do not allow them to find peace away from shame.

19. If a fatty does get thin, remind them Rule 3: "Yeah But." They didn't do it the right way.

20. The right way means moving the goalpost. Every OTHER diet is the good diet.

21. If a fatty does get thin, please take care to remind them at every opportunity that they used to be fat. Carry their before and after pictures. Remind them of the previous shame, because at any moment they WILL slip.

22. If the fatties ever demand to be treated humanely, respond with hypocrisy. "It's okay to like yourself, but you need to make sure you aren't encouraging others to be fat."

23. Fatties are not allowed to die, either by natural causes or suicide. They must never escape us.

24. If a fatty dies or wants to kill themselves, remind them and people of all the inconvenience they have caused. Their existence has been unfair to everyone. They will never escape us. EVEN A DEAD FATTY IS A BAD FATTY. See rule 5.

Rules for Being Allowed to Make Music

Manifesto · Satire

Because of course I speak for everyone.

1. If a computer touched it, it does not count. Even if you wrote lyrics, arranged sections, edited takes, and produced the mix, the moment a model is involved, the output becomes "not real art."

2. You must suffer for the song. If the process did not include at least one of the following, it's invalid: calluses, heartbreak, debt, rejection, trauma, band drama, or hauling gear up stairs.

3. Effort is only effort if it looks like effort to me. Clicking buttons is always lazy. Tweaking prompts for hours is still "clicking buttons."

4. Inspiration is fine, training is theft. Humans listening to music and learning patterns is "influence." A model learning patterns is "ripping off musicians," even when no exact song is copied, because vibes are copyrighted in my heart.

5. But also, it's theft even when I move the goalposts. Learning without direct permission and payment is theft. Obviously everyone learned The Star-Spangled Banner from Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock with a paid ticket.

6. No voice cloning, ever, unless it benefits me personally, then it's "parody." Using someone's voice without consent is uniquely evil. This condemnation extends to cases where the artist trained the model on their own voice.

7. You must be economically pure. If AI threatens musician incomes, your use of AI is immoral by default, regardless of your own budget, disability, or lack of band access.

8. Quantity proves worthlessness. If AI makes it easier to create a lot of tracks, then all of it must be garbage, because scarcity equals value. More music available equals less meaning. Math.

9. Flooding is your fault, not the platforms' fault. If streaming services get flooded, I will blame "AI music" as a concept, not the incentive structures, botting, or platform policies.

10. If it is not performed live by humans, it's not music, it's content. Never mind that the song can be played live by real people with real instruments.

11. You must play at least two instruments, one of which must be inconvenient. Laptop producers are suspicious.

12. You may use technology, but only vintage technology that I romanticize. Drum machines are fine because history. Autotune is fine if my favorite artist used it. AI is not fine because I need one scapegoat. Consistency is optional.

13. If the song is good, it's because a human saved it. If it's bad, it's AI. This rule is essential for maintaining my worldview.

14. You are not allowed to learn faster than I did. If your tool compresses years of trial and error into weeks, I will call it cheating.

15. All ethical nuance must fit into a single angry sentence. I will simply declare: "AI music is not real music."

16. You may be "allowed" to make it, but you must not call yourself a musician. You may call yourself: "prompt person," "AI user," "content generator," "fake," or "cheater."

17. Exception clause: if I like the song, the rulebook disappears. I will claim I "can tell" if it's human or AI, because I need to preserve the belief that my ears are a truth machine.

18. See rule 1.

KITN

Poem

I'm laying in bed late at night Galaxy's swirling above me like a slow chaos sea Everything is quiet but that sense of impending doom starts to overwhelm Quiet, the water sounds trickling in the kitchen, cars on their ever meandering journey swishing And I feel the pressure on the bed near my legs I hold still knowing what is coming, what will happen I pull the covers over my head Desperate in my attempt not to look As the movement starts coming up my body Legs, tummy, then chest I'm holding my breath at this point wondering how soon my death will be The agony like a jack in the box explosion at any minute BAM, POUNCE, STRUGGLE She's on my face now biting my nose through the covers Wrinkling my face so I don't get pierced by the fangs of doom She's holding on with both paws FLOP Now she's bunny kicking my head And I'm a boxer in a losing ring, BAM BAM BAM BAMBAM go the back feet Release And I feel her move away Sounds of claws heading up the back board and I hear silence I sneak my head out to see if I have a safety reprieve And I look up Terror and death are but furry moments away from my noggin yet again As she peers down to me Knowing she has my number, and the mortal coil is that much closer KITN... Slayer of Humans

Sister

Song

Verse 1

A box arrives, I send it back Your silence sealed inside the black. The ring, the plaque, the hoodie too Don't gift me love you won't live through.

Chorus

You promised me you'd never leave, Then vanished when I dared to grieve. You called it love, then blocked my pain Now all I feel is you again.

Verse 2

I begged, I called, I left my pride Still you chose to step aside. Two phones, a friend, a click away But nothing real came back my way.

Chorus

You promised me you'd never leave, Then vanished when I dared to grieve. I searched for warmth you wouldn't show And carried blame you'll never know.

Verse 3

I crossed the country just to meet, You left me shouting at your feet. Your "light and love" was just a script A brittle lie I should've skipped.

Bridge

You hung up when I tried to speak, Then wrote me off inside a week. Don't tell me now you didn't know The effort died too long ago.

Final Chorus

You promised me you'd never leave, But love's a vow you won't retrieve. You watched me fall and turned away There's nothing left you didn't slay.

Outro

If you want me back someday, You'll find the words you need to say. Not memes or texts or empty lines But "I'm sorry" said in real time. Say the words and make them true Own the pain I walked into. Not "sorry but" not "sorry you" Just "I'm sorry"... said to me, by you.